I'm a gay.
I'm 40 years old now.
I'm a Christian.
I'm a believer of Roman Catholic.
I was baptized at 19 years old.

I knew that it was a great sin that a man has sex with a man.
It was incongruous that one is a gay for me.
I wanted to be a heterosexual.

It's because a gay receives much discrimination.
It's because it's abnormal, that a man has sex with a man.

I could say to no one that I was a gay.

But I couldn't overcome sexual desire.

And for the first time, I had sex with a man at 21 years old.


At 10 years old, I covenanted with a devil.
I came to like a devil very much, and a devil and a devil-like thing were imagined, and I was enjoying onanism. One was Dracula, and I imagined becoming a wolf man and got sexual excitement.

I understood that such thing was that it's abnormal and bad.

But I was charmed to a devil terribly.

I was practicing the various occult.

It's because I had several body-like obstacles, and I wanted to conquer that.

I understood that occult practice was also a bad thing.

It isn't done that I sneak on my own from such situation.

I thought I was always doing a bad thing. But when there were some stresses, and loneliness was felt, immediately, onanism was done.

And I was always yielding to self-hatred.

If it was possible, when I'd like to be purely like an angel, I wished.



I thought it was baptized at a church with that.
I was also interested in christianity and Virgin Mary from child's time.

It's because I was always asking a relief.

Because there were a lot of problems with my family.
In particular, there was a problem of father's drinking.
I was always feeling a pang by the thing.
And even if I lived, I couldn't think it was fun sincerely.

I was having a doubt why man always lived.
If it was just as it is, I wanted you to put out the existence. There were also many fun things, but it was very hard to live.
I thought everything was an empty one.


If it was baptized, I thought you'd always be able to be happy and be here.
And I thought sexual interest to a man would also disappear. And I thought kindness to a devil would also go off.


But actual condition was the reverse. A sexual temptation was hard, and I came to think after all, one is useless man.

Such dirty man thought you didn't do for a partner God and Ms. Virgin Mary.
It'll be also in the state near the despair mentally, and I have come already to think one should live as a gay.


And in the long run I hurt the right eye in a trigger and didn't go to church any more.

And I did onanism every day and had sex with a lot of male people.

I was living like a married couple respectively with two men.

Another person is until 2006 from 2000 from 1992 to 2000 with one person.


I enjoyed sex with many men besides two people, too.

I understand that sex and onanism are a great sin.

But I'd like also to have sex now, and am good-for-nothing.

As you can see, I'm a sinner in the sinner.


Mother Mary didn't abandon me.
Mother Mary appeared for me and gave a lot of messages to me.
That's because mother Mary wants me to come to the heaven.